"Chubby" and "Chubbier"

I can't remember the last time I posted on my blog...it feels like years, and yet I am pretty sure it has just been a little over a week. I can't believe everything that has happened in the past week. Right now in life, I am overwhelmed. I am an active home-schooling mom. I am an attentive wife. I am a supportive daughter & sister. I am a dedicated part-time employee (both in Real Estate & baking/decorating cupcakes). I am volunteering as the Coordinator of MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) at my church. Most importantly I am servant to my Lord Jesus Christ. Much to my demise, I do not know how to do anything half-way. I am either in it, or am not. It may sound like a good thing, but most of the time it is not. I need to find balance...but that is a topic for a different kind of blog, lol.

If you can imagine a tall clear glass of water sitting on a table, you would see that my glass was almost full. I had about a half inch of free space residing at the top of my glass. Which is fine. I definitely felt the pressure of not spilling the water over the top of the glass, but generally speaking, if something new came my way, there was still a little breathing room in my glass.

However, last Friday morning I received some very sad news...my favorite Uncle, who also happens to be my Godfather (I was baptized Catholic as a baby), was in the hospital, and to make a LOOOONG story short, he has terminal cancer all throughout his body, and we are told that he has only weeks to live. MY GLASS IS NOW FULL. I'm devastated. I have been to funerals/memorials in the past, but they have always been in support of a grieving friend. A member of my family has never passed away. This is new territory for me. I must express that a TINY bit of my sadness is removed by the fact that my Uncle has a relationship with Jesus Christ, and I know exactly where he will be in his afterlife....waiting for me in heaven. :0) However, seeing someone you love in such pain and agony is horrible. Not being able to be with him whenever I want to (which is all the time) is extremely difficult. I have traveled 2-1/2 hours out to the dessert 2 times this past week, and I wish I could go everyday. I want to be there feeding him his ice chips every time he wants one. I want to be rubbing his head with a hot towel around the clock. I want to be there when he takes his last breath, and it sucks to know that there is a 99.9% chance that I won't be there for that. My cup is so full with other responsibilities that while I can pass those tasks off for a day, I can't clear out my schedule for the remainder of his life. I continue to carry this burden and sadness.

So, as I mentioned, the clear glass that is sitting on the table is now filled to the rim with water. A single drop of liquid will send the contents of my glass spilling over the edge.

Unfortunately, with all that life brings, that very thing has happened many times this past week.

We had a our first MOPS leadership meeting this past Wednesday, and the spiritual attack I endured the night before was incredibly intense. I thank the Lord for my wonderful Bestie (Shout-out to my sister Jenni) who received my email late Tuesday night with 7 bullet points as to "Why I suck". I even included an additional summary at the bottom of the email as to "Why I suck". Everyone needs to have a person you can go to in life that won't have you committed for such an email. I was a mess. However, the MOPS meeting came and went, and I felt much better. (Just to clarify, I felt no concern about the meeting leading up to it...apparently I just suck in general, lol).

And equally as trying as Tuesday night, was late Saturday morning. I am in the midst of prepping for our beach camping trip this coming week, and I have had my game face on the last 3 days. I know I am stressed with everything that I have going on, and so on Wednesday, I made a list of everything I need to do before our trip, and then I divided the tasks among the remaining days in the week. I was totally on point.

I had another Bridal Shower to go to this Saturday, but before that, I had my "Saturday Tasks" to do. I brought my Beetle (Beatrice) along with me becuase she was accompanying me to the shower. We accomplished everything I needed to do, and had a pleasant time doing it. I had a few extra minutes, and thought about filling up my gas tank for our vacay, but I thought, "No, I'll leave my list the way it is, and take care of that tomorrow." We were leaving Friars Rd. in San Diego, and were on our way to Ramona for the shower! :0)

Little did I know, in about 20 minutes, I wouldn't recognize myself.

I had NO IDEA how far away Ramona was! I know Ramona is considered "Country Living" compared to Downtown San Diego, but I didn't realize that there wouldn't be a gas station for MIIIIIIILES! I knew this shower was during the hours that Beatrice usually naps, however, I didn't realize that she begins to SCREAM like a JUNGLE CAT when she is over tired, impatient, HOT (becuase it was 113 degrees in Ramona, and I had to turn off the A/C since we were running out of gas), and now she "really had to go pee" since she refused to go all of the times I had previously asked her to go in the last 2 hours, but now that we were in the middle of nowhere in Ramona, she needed to go, like NOW! UGH!

According to the GPS, we were 2 miles away from our destination, but according to my gas light, I was not going to be able to turn my van back on once we parked at the shower. I HAD TO TURN AROUND and find a gas station! I drove back 8 miles to a gas station (meanwhile crying and cussing...which I haven't done in YEARS! Shout-out to my sister Anna who got that phone call, lol!)...and when we got to the gas station, there was a LONG line to fill up. And of course, we are in Ramona, so there aren't little cars filling up their gas tanks...there are LARGE trucks, pulling dumb trailers, occupying both gas stalls, and filling up portable gas cans as well. GRRRRRR! I was stewing in my frustration for what seemed like hours, when finally it was MYYYYYYY turn! Much to my surprise, when I pulled forward to begin filling up my tank, there was an older gentleman driving towards me in a BMW. Apparently he didn't see me waiting on the other side of the truck FIRST! Our "conversation" through our windshields went this way:

BMW: IT'S MY TURN!

Me: NO! IIIIIII WAS HERE FIRST!

BMW: NO, I WAS HERE FIRST!

Me: NOOOO, I WAS HERE FIRST! (I now get out of car to start pumping gas)

BMW (rolling down his window): YOU ARE A BLEEDING HEMORRHOID!

Me: FINE BY ME!

(BMW leaves the scene)

I fill up my tank, head back to the bridal shower...arrive a half hour late. :0(

The problem with having your glass full, is there is no room to be gracious and let "BMW" fill up his tank before you...you cry when you put your son to bed and 5 minutes into your "me time" his night-light burns out and now he is too scared to go to bed...and you cry when you are parked on the side of the road out in freekin' RAAAAMOOOONAAA while you are trying to get your daughter to pee in somewhere other than a normal bathroom.

The good thing about being so emotional...you laugh so hard that you cry re-telling the "Bleeding Hemorrhoid" story to your sisters at the bridal shower...you and "The Core" (Shout-out to my mom & sister Jenni) laugh so hard that you all sob when we tried to fit all 3 of us and our combined 5 kids into my mom's 7 passenger SUV (yep 1 seat short, but that wasn't going to stop us!...except it did.)...and after 3 weeks of serving at the MOPS bake sale at church, and making it to the church sermons only, you cry uncontrollably when you finally get the opportunity to meet with your Lord through praise and worship on this Sunday morning....His cup runneth over for me! :0)

Why is this post "Chubby Diary" worthy!?!? I am stressed. And where I come from...if you are stressed, you eat!

I am pictured above at the infamous Ramona Bridal Shower with my adorably CHUBBY niece! She actually makes me look skinny...NOT! :0)

Soooo, beach camping all this week. Is it stupid to say that it couldn't have come at a worse time, AND it couldn't have come at a better time!?!? There are so many other things I need and want to be doing. However, I need a break. This trip will force me to give undivided attention to my kids. This trip will force me to do almost nothing but relax on the beach. And here's to hoping for some FUNNY nights at the campfire with friends. :0)

And on one last chubby note, I have been eying all the different flavors of marshmallows over the last few months. Camping has given me the excuse to buy them. I must admit, I was bummed to see that the caramel swirl ones were no longer available, but The Brumbaugh's will be rocking Strawberry, Chocolate Swirl, and traditional flavored marshmallows. Happy toasting and roasting to you! ;0)