Dear Jennifer Hudson (Week 5)

Dear Jennifer Hudson,

Sorry it has been so long since I wrote you last. You may have thought that I was trying to avoid you because I didn't have such great news to share, but that is not the case...I've just been really busy the past few days.

I actually have pretty positive news to share with you from my most recent WW meeting...I shed the 4 pounds that I had gained the week before, plus an additional bonus pound...for a total of 5 pounds lost this past week. :0)

The first month of WW has come to an end, and for the month of January, I lost a total of 12.2 pounds. Not too shabby. ;0)

My weight loss is nothing drastic...and it's probably not noticeable to most people. after all, it's barely noticeable to me, lol. My pants ARE fitting a little looser, but I have not dropped a pants size or anything like that.

I would say that the most noticeable change I have, is just how GOOD I feel on the inside. I feel like my body has just undergone an oil change or something, lol. Obviously WW has a lot to do with that, consistent exercise has a lot to do with that, but more importantly, I think it's my actual food choices that have even MORE do with the way I feel!

February 1st marked the end to the first month of no fast food for this year. Even though, in the past, we didn't have fast food but more than once a week, it still feels SO GOOD to not be putting that garbage into my mouth! And, I am happy to report that I don't even miss it. Jennifer, I can't remember if I told you or not, but towards the end of last year, I had watched a documentary called, Food Inc., and it changed my perception of food...and since food is such a MAJOR part of who we are, and how we spend our day, I guess you could even say, that this movie has changed my life.

I fear that like many times in my life, the newness, and the passion for positive change will wear off, and I will return to my old (destructive) ways. I don't want that for me. I don't want that for my family of four.

I realize that I am only 1 month into this, but as far as fast food is concerned, I feel STRONG! When we get advertisements and coupons in the mail for fast food, I used to go from feeling totally fine, to STARVING in a matter of seconds!...literally! I would CRAVE the burger in the advertisement...I would begin plotting in my head when I would go out and try the new milkshake in the ad. And the same thing would happen when I would watch TV...when the Jack in the Box commercial would come on, I would long for the food on the screen. Often I would tell myself (and my husband), "Look at that deal! We HAVE to get that new combo meal!" But honestly, now, I look at those advertisements in the mail, I watch the commercials on the TV, and the food truly looks like POISON to me! The food is of NO desire to me. Now that I know what is IN that beef, I don't want to touch that greasy mess, slapped between two buns, and I don't want to pick up a pound of that at the grocery store. My prayer is that my desire (or, non-desire) for fast food, "normal" meat, and eggs from antibiotic and hormone pumped chickens, will stay the way that it is...that I will continue to CRAVE the beautiful and delicious produce that I am putting into my body...and that our Lord will continue to provide for my family so that we can continue to afford to buy organic dairy products, and healthy food/fuel for the four of us in our home. My grocery budget may be slim compared to others...but it is enough! :0)

(Stepping off of my soap box now)

The one area that I still have a mental struggle with, is the area of "baking and treats." I have put a pause on my little home bakery business, which is totally fine and dandy. But just for events and holidays, and gatherings, etc., my mind is still in baking mode. With Valentines approaching, my schedule is pretty busy with parties. We have my mommies group party, my MOPS group playdate party, our MOPS Valentine themed meeting, and our Awana Valentine themed night. Most of these events are potluck style. In the past, I usually always sign up to bring cupcakes or cookies. I.LOVE.TO.BAKE. And even with the lifestyle changes I have made this past month, my knee jerk reaction to the food-sign-up-sheets has been to sign up to bring a sugary treat! The first time the list came my way, I was going to bake cupcakes...but before I hit "send" on my email, I did a mental check-up, and said, "Elizabeth, you did not quit your bakery business because you hate to get PAID to bake treats (lol)...you paused your business because you can't be TRUSTED around cake batter, and scraps of cookie dough! No business means, NO BAKING, period." That was a hard reality check. I changed my food from bringing cupcakes, to bringing fruit. I felt like I dodged a bullet!

But would you believe that with the next 2 lists that came my way, I made the SAME initial poor judgement!? I even went as far as planning the design of these treats! GOSH, I can be SO dense! :0( I don't remember when/how I had my moment of clarity, but eventually, it clicked, "You are doing it AGAAAAAAIN!"

For right now, I am not cupcake mom, cake-pop friend, or a sugar-cookie wife.

For right now, I need to be fruit bowl mom, vegetable tray friend, and something-non-related-to-food wife.

I would be naive to think I won't have this exact mental battle in my near future...maybe even tomorrow. Most of my old ways are just second nature to me. DEFINITELY baking is second nature to me.

Some days, and in some moments, I forget that there is (supposed to be) a revised "me."

When I make those sacrifices, and not baking really IS a sacrifice for me, I tend to question how bad I actually want the revised me.

And the answer remains: I REALLY REALLY want it! I don't just want to be thin. I want to be healthy from the inside out!

Your biggest fan,
Elizabeth

P.S. I requested your new book from the library...there are only 14 people ahead of me in line to read it. :0)