Wow! Has it really been that long since I last wrote to you!?!? Sorry about that!
I paused in writing to you for a couple of reasons, but mainly because...I didn't want to mention it at the time, but I was fasting for 40 days (for spiritual purposes) and I didn't want to make a big deal about it (then, or now), and I felt like I was being misleading by writing these weight-loss letters to you when I wasn't following the WW program during that time.
But that time has passed, and I have been back on the WW program for just over 1 week...and so I feel like I owe you a bit of an update.
So...I'm pretty much at the same weight as when I wrote you last.
I'm mostly happy with that.
I'm happy with that because I feel really good at this weight. I definitely still want to lose more weight for my own personal goals...and I definitely still need to lose more weight for WW's goal for me.
I had some concerns about coming off of the fast...I was concerned that I would be a gluttonous hog after not chewing food for 40 days. And while my first post-fast meal was something similar to that description, lol, it's actually been so "freeing" ever since that first meal.
In the days/weeks/months prior to fasting, I was growing a bit discouraged because I have always heard that you can "break any habit in 30 days." I'm not sure who wrote/said that, but...THEY.ARE.WRONG. At least for me.
I struggle with portion control.
I am REALLY good at dieting...it's just that I'm REALLY GOOD at NOT dieting also!
I had/have been at this WW thing for almost a year, and it was so frustrating to me that every time I would go toa party, or a gathering, or a random-night-of-PMS, I would lose all control and good sense when it came to staying on the program. And on the very-few-occasions that I was successful at these events/moments, you have no idea (or maybe you do have an idea) of the struggle/battle going on in my head!..."Don't eat the cake!"..."Eat the Cake!"..."You can't have pizza!"..."Eat 263 pieces of pizza!"...blah!, blah!, blah!
And after I would exhaust myself of either giving in...or staying strong...I would always come to the same thought process in my head: "WHY IS THIS STILL SO HARD!?"
My 30-day-bad-habit-jail-sentence is LONG overdue! I should OWN this by now!...I should be FREE from this by now!
It was so disappointing. (To say the least.)
But I have to share, that since the fast, something has shifted in my head. It's like I have sound-mind. I have the ability to exercise self-control.
I have been around several delicious something-or-others since the fast...sometimes (for a split second) I forget that I can even eat it, and when I realize that I do have the freedom to put it in my mouth, I am not consumed with fear/guilt/anxiety like I was before. I have clarity...I have peace...I can make a rational choice. Sometimes I choose not to eat it (because I don't want to suffer the consequences)...sometimes I choose to eat a small portion of it (because I'm grateful to even have a small bit after not eating it at all for 40 days)...and on the very rare occasion, I have even had a little more than I normally would have intended, but I am not beating myself up for it in my head. It all feels very natural...very normal...very sane, lol! I am SO grateful.
This isn't the first time I have fasted, but this is the first time I remember feeling this way. In the early days of this most recent fast, I was randomly browsing the selection of books at my church's bookstore, and this teeny-tiny-super-inexpensive little book about fasting caught my eye, and so I bought it. I learned so much from that little book! The thing that has resonated with me the most is the part where the author suggested that a disciplined Christian should fast on a regular basis, as one of the benefits of fasting, is that it forces you to exercise self-control. If there was EVER a Fruit of the Spirit that I need to work on the most, it is "Self-Control!!!" The book of course didn't tell you that you HAVE to fast, or even the exact dates/plan of what a "regular basis" refers to...but I do think that there is great truth to the concept...and I can ALWAYS benefit from "less of me...and more of Him."
Ugh...I didn't want to focus on fasting, and here I have run my mouth (or my fingers.)...hopefully this doesn't come across as gloating/showy...I guess I just felt like I needed to share some of the things I learned as it related to my weight-loss journey.
To wrap things up, here are a few WW meals I have made in the last week or so...
"Chicken Topped with Feta and Green Onions"...
So I guess that's it for me JHud...I hope to write you again soon after my next WW meeting. :0)
Your Biggest Fan,
Elizabeth
Oooh! Would you be willing to grab one of those booklets for me and I'll pay you for it? It sounds like a blessing!
ReplyDeleteMiss you, btw.